The Aftermath

I had such a great birthday!! I was surrounded by my family and my close friends. My in laws were unable to make it since my MIL has been really sick. She went into the hospital for a week on the 19Th for having a heart rate of 120 before they gave her 2 breathing treatments. But, anyways... Back to my birthday. My best friend Tricia came out with her boyfriend, Kevin; Jimmie was there with her group of friends (the ones I like); My sister Alicia was there and took the kids for the night; Mike and his obsession, Jenna; another couple of good friends of mine; and the rest of my family. My mom put it together for me at her house. We had a really good Cajun brisket and a spiral ham.













The cake was the best though! My mom, maw-maw, and sisters searched through 3 huge blue plastic totes for 5 hours for all of my childhood pictures. They then chose one of me at the age of 2 on my first tricycle at Christmas to put on my cake. It was soooo adorable!!! I got some pretty cool stuff also. My mom and Brian bought me RR's 365: And no repeats, a watch, a cute shorts outfit, and a gift certificate to get my nails, toes, and eyebrows done. She actually pulled off tricking me, too. She had shown me these cute orange shorts and some cute tops that she had gotten on sale at the dreaded wally world. Come to find out, she had shown me my birthday present!!! I was laughing my ass off when I opened my gift only to see what I thought were my mom's shorts!!! My friend Tricia and her Boyfriend bought me a dozen pink roses, too.

My grandparents got me this really AWESOME dragon thing... I don't know exactly what it is, but it is sooo nice! All in all I had such a wonderful day. Except when I went to leave... The fuel pump went out on my car!! Which was sort of expected since the type of car I have go through the damn things every 105,000 miles. Mine has twice that much!!! But, the good thing was we got it fixed the next day and my mom let us use the car that night. Steve and I went out to Stetson's Nightlife. Yes, on a Sunday. But it was nice to go to a place like that and not have the rowdy crowd that they normally have. We danced, played pool, and I got addicted to the damn quarter machine. Steve got me pretty buzzed with one shot (a Buttery Nipple with Bacardi), 1 Sex on the Beach, and 1 Tequila Sunrise. The drinks were really cheap so, my drinks were only like 5 bucks. So, the curse of horrible birthdays are over! I guess it is finally time for me to let go of my grief and be happy. I have a wonderful husband, amazing children, loving friends, and a family that I wouldn't trade for the world. Tomorrow I am off to help a friend clean her house. It's really nice to spend time with people who love and care about you. Well, off I go. I am exhausted!!!

It's that time of year, again...

So, my birthday is just around the corner. Is it just me, or do they come faster every year? I will be the big 23... I don't really know how to feel. On one hand I am very excited to be with my family and friends but, on the other I just feel blah. Who knows... My birthday is always bittersweet for me. My step-dad died 2 days after my 12th birthday. I miss him so much. He was the closet I had to a dad when I was growing up. We may not have had the best of things, but I guess as a kid you don't really realize it. I remember everything being so fun. Then when I got older I realized that not everything was the way I remembered. We didn't have much money for anything and the couple of times that we had gotten really nice stuff for Christmas we were robbed. I remembered him being such a great man. On the other hand, my sister despised him. She would do anything and everything to get under his skin. And it worked. She was finally taken away from us when she was 14 or so. He had beaten her at the stables where we kept our horses. Some people called the cops and she was taken into CPS custody. I was only spanked once by him and he apologized for it. If he would have been alive when I was a teen, I know things would have been different. I definitely would not have done the stuff I did.

I don't know. All the years in therepy never really helped. Just helped me to figure out that it wasn't my fault...

I'm Back

So, I have been away for quite some time. A lot of things have happened; some good and seems more not so good. But hey, I keep my head up because things could always be much worse.

The Sperm Donor never correctly replied to the papers that were served to him last month. Since he didn't stay on his toes and be sure to cross his "t"s and dot his "i"s, I am getting my way with everything. I am going to be my son's sole conservator and he only gets supervised visitation at his parents house. He also has to pay back child support along with his current and pay for my lawyer. Gee, I guess he should have paid for that lawyer he had spent all that money on last year, huh?

Lately I have kept to myself for the most part. Not really wanting to talk to anyone but the people who are around me everyday. I just don't feel like talking. I honestly don't think I have the energy or could really give a damn about much of what anyone would have to say. Who knows, maybe I am realizing that I am really not as much of a people person as I thought. The more I am around or talk to certain people the more I want to slap the living shit out of the stupid ones with a big fat frozen tuna while screaming "WAKE THE FUCK UP AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!" I just cannot believe how stupid people really are. What has this world come to?

Then there is the sadness of how many children are either dieing or being hurt by people they love. They never chose who their parents were, yet the parents take it out on them as if the child ruined their lives. I never want to work again until my children are in school and with people that I can truly trust. How can someone hurt a precious child? I would love to be able to line this people up and pistol whip them. Then, when they woke, shove a freaking knife through their chest to make sure they die slowly and painfully.

I know I am very morbid at times.

But, at least now you know why I refuse to work in the medical field.