My turn to feel blah....

So, I felt pretty ok for most of the day. John went to visit the sperm donor and his father today. Tiffany screamed most of the day and took a few naps. Then John came home. And he's been perfectly fine. But, when the SD left John cried. I know that he is his father and that there is nothing I can do about that. I just wish that there was some way that someone else could be his father. Is it so bad to wish that? I mean, I want him to have a father that I don't want to hall off and hit or kill everytime I see him. One that I can actually get along with. One that i would be married to and not have to put my poor little boy through. I just wish that there would have been some way for me to have met Steve before I met the SD. We had some similar friends and we were in a lot of the same places....Just never at the right moment. I hate that I have to put my son through the same crap that I went through when I was a child. It's the whole reason I tried to stay with the SD after he went to prison in the first place. Because I did not want to raise my child having to have 2 different families.

I just feel so down that I want to wrap myself in a ball and cry. And with Steve at work, it's hard for him to really comfort me. I think I am just gonna go to bed for now and wish that all of this would just go away.