Bittersweet

Today has been one of those bittersweet days. I woke up in a really good mood with Tiffany laughing. John was his normal self, so that didn't bother me. Then I read a book that Steve had gotten from the library about 9/11. Well, for some reason it got me thinking about how much I miss my dad. And, then it hit me...He has been gone for 10 years. A full decade. I can not believe it has been so long. I miss him so much.

Then I started thinking about my biological father. Today is his birthday. I thought about calling him but, I always feel so weird talking to him when I do call him. I completely feel uncomfortable with myself. I know the whole side of that family doesn't like me because I don't keep in touch the way that my father wants me to. But, how am I supposed to be a part of a family who has never accepted me? I have always felt like an outcast when I have been around them.

And then on top of all this I want a friend that doesn't live out of state. I had a really great friend at one time, but then things happened and I lost her. It was like losing a sister. I just don't know if anything would be the same if I were to get her back.

But, on the upside my birthday is on Sunday and my mom is giving me a BBQ type party that hardly anybody is going to be at. But since I am trying to get on a better side with my mother-in-law (which is working a lot better than it used to) I invited them over.

Well, I'm off. Hope everyone else is doing better than me.